Fear of flying
"Everytime I try to fly, I fall without my wings, I feel so small......"
Ok. I know the song doesn;t have anything to do with what I'm about to talk about, but this particular line is exactly what I'm feeling right now. This whole Malaysian Night thing is really driving me crazy!!
You see, the first time i went to the rehearsal, I was told that they didn't actually want me for the part, and that I need some serious practice. I know!!! What a great way to start!! But I went on with it, worked my ass off, and nothing seemed to work! I even got to the point where I was afraid to go to bed because I was thinking "I have to go to rehearsal tomorrow, and I'm still not perfect, so I have to rehearse before I go to bed." And what happens the next day? They still treat me like a moron!!! I mean... serously. I fell like an idiot the whole time! I literally have to drag myself to rehearsal every single time, and I always come home feeling all miserable. And I've lost count on the number of times I have to come one hour arlier than everyone else, because I need "private sessions to improve my acting." I keep telling myself "Maybe I am bad, so I need to practice more and probably later they will be nicer to me when they see how hard I work." But noooo...... I'm still the idiot!!
I know, everyone is nervous about the show, I am too!! But i seriously think that it's just unfair that I'm the only one people shout to!! I may look like an idiot, but I have feelings too!! I was talking to a frind of mine, And she told me that some people just feel like it's necessary to be mean, just so that people will view them as a scary, powerful person. I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, I'm the easy target. Maybe because I dont usually express what I'm thinking, people think I can handle them shouting at me. Great! I take that as a compliment.
For now, I'll just have fun bitching about people. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Ok. I know the song doesn;t have anything to do with what I'm about to talk about, but this particular line is exactly what I'm feeling right now. This whole Malaysian Night thing is really driving me crazy!!
You see, the first time i went to the rehearsal, I was told that they didn't actually want me for the part, and that I need some serious practice. I know!!! What a great way to start!! But I went on with it, worked my ass off, and nothing seemed to work! I even got to the point where I was afraid to go to bed because I was thinking "I have to go to rehearsal tomorrow, and I'm still not perfect, so I have to rehearse before I go to bed." And what happens the next day? They still treat me like a moron!!! I mean... serously. I fell like an idiot the whole time! I literally have to drag myself to rehearsal every single time, and I always come home feeling all miserable. And I've lost count on the number of times I have to come one hour arlier than everyone else, because I need "private sessions to improve my acting." I keep telling myself "Maybe I am bad, so I need to practice more and probably later they will be nicer to me when they see how hard I work." But noooo...... I'm still the idiot!!
I know, everyone is nervous about the show, I am too!! But i seriously think that it's just unfair that I'm the only one people shout to!! I may look like an idiot, but I have feelings too!! I was talking to a frind of mine, And she told me that some people just feel like it's necessary to be mean, just so that people will view them as a scary, powerful person. I couldn't agree more. Unfortunately, I'm the easy target. Maybe because I dont usually express what I'm thinking, people think I can handle them shouting at me. Great! I take that as a compliment.
For now, I'll just have fun bitching about people. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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